


Breaking the Habit

by deadchan



Category: Everyman HYBRID
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Death, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Memories, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 21:24:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19472500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadchan/pseuds/deadchan
Summary: memories consumelike opening the woundI'm picking me apart againyou all assumeI'm safe here in my roomunless I try to start again





	Breaking the Habit

**Author's Note:**

> So this is basically an introduction for a timeline I'm playing with. I'm going to add to this with various clips, each chapter will follow one person basically. It both will and won't be a rehash of the existing content in that some things will happen again nearly the same and others will change. I'm open to suggestions and prompts though I can't promise I can include everything, but I'll do my best.
> 
> It might seem pretty fluffy because I wanted to both get a feel for them and my ideas, as well as fulfill some sweet cravings. There will definitely be violence and blood lol and probably death. I may put up a separate fic of my random oneshots as well. Cheers to anyone who reads this garbage.

The last thing Evan can remember is dying. Not for the first time either, but maybe the last. He remembers his back against a tree and Vinny at his side, his warmth slowly but steadily seeping out of him. They had fought, but why? Vinny had been against him the whole time, or so he'd felt at the time, but thinking of it now he realizes how blind his rage and isolation made him. Never ever should he have listened to Habit and thought his words were truth.

Habit had been right about some things but not enough to warrant his word worthy of much weight ever again. It didn't matter how old he was or how many lives he had taken over his existence. The memories Habit loved to share with him at the worst of times were heavy and made Evan feel sick. Death, death, and more death with a lot of unnecessary pain along the way. He wanted nothing to do with this sadistic creature hellbent on the suffering of others. If he had to he would leave, if Habit tried to take over he knew he couldn't be anywhere near the people he cared most for. 

He'd awoke before Jeff or Vinny, leaving him to wallow in his glum thoughts. He remembers hurting them both on multiple occasions and would never be rid of the guilt. They wouldn't have been so miserable or died had he not been so foolish. Where was Steph? Jessa? Jessie? Alex? Panic rises in his chest as all the unknowns quickly become overwhelming. Just as he starts to hyperventilate Jeff stirs with a groan.

Evan looks at him intently as he slowly sits up and rubs his head, eyes squeezed closed tightly. He can tell by the look on his face that Jeff is remembering too much too quickly, and when he opens his eyes he blinks in surprise at Evan. For a moment it looks like he might be afraid and thinking about running but he doesn't move, just looks Evan over like he might be able to see the signs that pointed to being inhabited. How could he tell? And how was he even here? Evan’s chest tightens so much he has difficulty breathing.

Then he looks over to Vinny and sighs in relief. He reaches over gingerly and touches his cheek to make sure he is in fact warm and still alive, before proceeding to look back at Evan sadly. Evan finds it difficult to look him in the eyes too long when he knows they're both thinking about what he had done. Or at least, Evan assumes Jeff hates him, is afraid, is repulsed by the actions, so when he suddenly moves forward Evan flinches. Jeff only hesitates a little before finishing what he'd intended to do; he hugs Evan tightly. To say he's shocked is an understatement.

"Jeff, I thought-" He's not even sure what to say or how to say it. Jeff just squeezes him tighter. "I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of it and it's all my f-"

"Evan! It wasn't your fault. He… he clearly had intricate plans. We never saw it coming until we were in way too deep."

Still, the guilt makes it hard to breathe, makes him want to crawl into a hole and skin himself alive for half a century. He keeps his face downcast and tries to both physically and mentally fold in on himself. No matter what anyone said he knew it was his fault for not realizing what the lost time had meant. For not connecting the dots or telling his friends about the voice that told him things he shouldn't know. The voice that kept promising protection and strength in increasingly dismal times. Jeff, angel that he is, seems to know more or less what he's thinking and rests a gentle, caring hand on his shoulder. It makes his stomach churn. He doesn't deserve kindness from the one he let die. _Killed with his bare hands._

"I'm not afraid of you Evan. Hell, I'm not even afraid of him anymore… And most importantly, now I know the difference." A pause before he pulls back a bit. They look at each other shyly, solemnly. "Are you okay? What even happened? I don't remember coming here. Last thing I can recall is…" He pales and shivers at the memory, unable to finish his sentence.

Evan swallows a lump in his throat and tries to ignore the shaking numbness in his hands. "I don't know. Last thing I remember was Vinny and I- we-" His face scrunches up and Jeff can see tears around his eyes. He reaches out again to offer comfort but Evan shrugs it off and wipes his eyes with a sigh. "We should wake sleeping beauty up."

Jeff looks like he wants to ask questions and talk but he stops himself and looks over at their friend. With a bit of reluctance he nods and the two turn their attention to the third person present. Vinny looks dead in his tiredness, the bags under his eyes rather prominent, his skin pale from lack of sun. His head is still shaved and his beard is still in abundance. Evan cringes and feels panic and bile rise in his chest. Vinny starts to stir with a bit of prompting from Jeff as Evan lingers back a bit, caught up in replaying their last moments together. Rage, rain, forest, knife, blood, emptiness, warmth.

When he's finally able to sit up and open his eyes Vince mumbles, "Jeff? I thought you… am I dead?" and Evan feels his whole body burst into searing pain. The panic and self loathing wash over him completely and he begins to silently drown in himself and his memories. The only reprieve is he can't hear Habit in his head, but he can still feel the thing laying dormant inside of him. Watching, waiting for the right time to pounce and take away everything from him once more.

He's actually kind of hugging himself, hands gripping his shoulders tight as if he's trying to hold himself together and be as small as possible. He can't even look in Vince's direction without feeling like scratching his face off or screaming. As Vinny sits up Jeff helps him and both of them glance between each other and Evan in concern. The last thing anyone wants is for any of them to freak out but they're both disoriented and unsure of how to offer help. Eventually Vinny slides forward and tries to touch Evan in the same way Jeff had, and he flinches backwards with a sad noise from his throat. He's definitely crying. 

Neither of them had seen Evan like this before. Maybe they'd seen him cry a few times over the years but it was rare and usually full of rage. These were the sobs of a broken man who couldn't stop reliving all the pain he had caused. While neither of them held Evan accountable for most of the awful things that had happened, neither could think of the proper words to convey this. Habit had done so many terrible things with Evan’s body but they didn’t blame him. They couldn’t. With a sigh, Vince slides ever closer, and Jeff takes the hint, doing the same from the other side, until Evan is sandwiched between them in a hug.

They feel his body tense and expect him to get up and run at any moment but after a few seconds what comes from him is loud, sorrowful crying. He doesn't push them away as they hug him and feel their own eyes fill with hot tears. Vinny whispers that it'll be okay while Jeff rubs circles into Evan's back. They sit like that for a long time without much talking, until Evan shakes and slowly stops crying. When he seems to finally have control of himself he wipes his face off on his shirt and steals a glance at Vince.

"You guys… I don't deserve this. After- All that shit-" He really struggles to think, to find the proper words. He takes a deep breath and wipes his nose again. "This is too good to be true. I can't trust this is real, how can you both just be okay? That's, that's not how he works, how he does things… this can't be real. If it is it's a punishment."

His face turns to stone, then contorts in thought then falls blank again. Finally he manages to look Vinny in the eyes and they stare at each other intensely. They both seem to be searching for something in the other as Jeff stares between them silently.

"Look, we won't know anything if we just keep sitting here and don't check. Let's go explore, make some phone calls, maybe find a fucking calendar or something," Jeff suddenly says. 

Vinny nods but Evan keeps staring at him silently. "Maybe you should go on ahead. Just give us a minute here." Jeff clearly knows there's something being purposely unsaid around him but he nods and stands up.

"Yeah, sure. Just, don't be too long okay? I don't really feel like being alone for too long right now."

Admittedly he was dying to call home to see if Alex or even his parents would pick up, but he was also nervous about Evan's words. This could easily be a trap and he did not want to spend more time locked in an attic. First Evan then Vinny look over to him and nod. He nods back and turns, taking a deep breath to steady himself as he heads up the stairs. With every step he sees the face of someone they'd lost and finds himself shaking by the time he reaches the main floor, but he heads for the landline with determination, having no idea where his cellphone could even be.

Vinny waits until he hears Jeff all the way upstairs before letting his demeanor shift. Evan waits silently as he watches him, unsure of what Vinny had to say that he wasn't ready to share with Jeff. He has a feeling it has to do with how things ended.

"I have so much love for you and I don't think I should hide it anymore. We're together forever whether you like it or not, 'cause I'm not going anywhere." He blinks, caught off guard by these words. Vinny smiles sheepishly. "All that matters to me right now is that we don't waste this time. Whatever gave us this reroll we can find out along the way. But being alive, with you and Jeff, this is right somehow. So don't hide yourself from us, don't lock yourself inside. Stay with me, please."

He can't be assed to believe him. Nothing matters anymore, not after the things he'd done, not after what he'd witnessed himself do. No matter how many times Vinny tried to reassure him, no matter how many times Jeff forgave him, the memories were there. Bright as day. Vivid as a fresh cut ready to bleed and gush and become infected. But still, the look Vinny gives him makes his heart flutter. Maybe, just maybe this was a good thing. It was just hard to commit to anything when he'd felt the world be pulled out from under his feet so many times before.

"Jeff and I are your best friends and we always will be. After all that's happened I know it feels like this is too good to be true but until we find out something concrete we can't just assume the worst. Let's prepare for multiple scenarios." He can understand the rationale behind Vince's words but still he keeps hugging himself, too taught to simply unwind.

Vince slides even closer, hesitates, then puts an arm around his shoulders and pulls him close. Evan allows this easier than anticipated and even leans against Vinny. Slowly he unwraps his arms to instead wrap them around Vinny. In the distance they hear Jeff's voice, with perhaps a hint of excitement to it. Evan wills himself to just relax and try not to think of what has passed. Being hugged by Vinny helps.

“You killed me,” He pipes up, bitter but not angry, not really. He deserved to die, to hurt for the hurt he’d caused. But the lingering feeling of betrayal and destitution coursed through his veins and made him feel sick, sick with himself more than anything. “And I killed you. I killed Jeff. How the fuck can we be here? This isn’t right at all.”

Vinny is quiet, maybe reliving the memory too, maybe thinking of what to say next. “I’m sorry for making you feel excluded, for ever shutting you out. But I never wanted to mess with you, or break your trust, even though you’ve done both to me by proxy. I know Habit set you up. He wanted you to only feel hate for me. I wish… I wish so badly I could have thought of anything right to say.But I was blinded by rage too.”

The fact that that isn’t a real answer does spark a small fire inside. He’s not even sure why he’s angry at first but then realizes, of course, all his hatred now lays in the entity invading him. Habit had been playing them all for years and they had each been so pathetically helpless. What would possibly stop the bastard now? And why was he being so quiet? There was no way the two things weren’t related. How could he figure out what was going on without a place to start? He had to find a computer, his computer, and do some researching.

Vinny shifts to look at his face and Evan realizes he hadn’t bothered to reply. He straightens up but doesn’t try to pull away. They look at each other’s faces without malice or distrust for the first time since waking up. Vince looks like he’s trying to decide which things to say next, like he has a lot of apologizing to do, a lot of things on his mind. He can relate but he wants to at least try to apologize too. It was the very least he could do.

“Stop, I know you’re gonna just say sorry again, but this is my fault. You guys could have helped me sooner if I had told you about any of the weird dreams or loss of time. We all fucked up but in the end the motherfucker chose me. You ever wonder why? Because I’m a fucking cesspool of filth and rage. The perfect host if you consider his track record.”

He definitely seems confused by Evan’s words but they both take a moment to think it over.

“He chose you because he knew he could use it to his advantage to manipulate all of us. It could have worked in his favor had he inhabited any of us, you can’t say it’s your fault when you’re just another pawn in his games too.”

Evan grits his teeth and looks at his hands. Anger kept boiling up so easily and so dangerously inside of him. He didn’t want to yell at Vinny or spit more acid, but he was at a loss for what to do with all the disgust he felt. How could he possibly live with himself after the travesties he’d caused? He shouldn’t, in fact, he begins to wonder if he can finally kill himself. The last time he’d been reckless and masochistic. This time he would make it personal and deliberate. It would be the only way to keep Habit from his friends.

Again he leaves the other in an awkward silence, enough so that Vince finally pulls away from him, looking at his own hands in sad and frustrated contemplation. Evan swallows his nasty thoughts and tries to steady himself, clear his mind, and give Vinny some of that good old friendship juice he owed him. Knowing that he had his own plan offered minimal but still welcome relief that he clings to to try and act like his old self again. He shoves the other man’s shoulder gently and offers a crooked grin.

“You know, you’re right, I’ll try to stop wallowing in self pity so hard over here. We may as well try to make the best of it and figure out what the hell is going on. We should probably go check on Jeff.”

It seems to work well enough. Vince looks slightly less upset and Evan feels like he can try to not panic constantly. Eventually they stand together and Vince takes his hand to lead him upstairs. As weird as it is to be so touchy he can't say he hates it. Even once they're in the kitchen and can see Jeff Vinny keeps a hold of his hand, refuses to let him wriggle his hand free. They take a seat at the table and watch Jeff pace with the phone in hand.

"You're weird too," Is the first thing they overheard him say into the receiver. A pause. "Not nearly as weird as you, I've seen your collections. Yeah okay, whatever Alex, all I'm trying to say is I'm glad you're home." Another pause as he listens, briefly glancing over at his friends.

"We should go out for dinner, I'm starving and I can't remember the last time I actually sat in a place. We could pick you up in half an hour. Yeah. Alright see you later." He hangs up and stares off absently, absolutely stunned at this discovery. His eyes look a bit watery but he's smiling.

Eventually he looks at his friends and snaps back to reality a bit. He takes a seat with them and sighs, staring at his hands. "He's alive," He smiles and chuckles to himself as if he still can't believe it.

Evan feels his guts twisting in nervousness. How could things just be fine? His paranoia was skyrocketing but he was trying his best to keep some composure.There's an uncomfortable silence as the other two pick up on his unease, and he looks between them with guilt etched into his features. Jeff takes his other hand and pats it gingerly.

"Whatever you're worried about you can't let fear rule you. Since we’re here, we should make the most of it. And share whatever’s going on in our heads. Lack of communication can’t exist between us anymore, got it?” He even glances over to Vinny who of course agrees. Evan slowly nods in agreement himself. “I can understand that this is hard to accept but really there's nothing better to do than to accept the good things when we can. I mean, did you ever expect to sit with us like this ever again? Let's just take things one step at a time. Now tell me, are you hungry?"

Evan is surprised by how calm and sincere Jeff is, how gentle and encouraging his smile and touch are. It actually does make him feel slightly less extreme to hear these words, so he nods, and tries to let go of some of the tension in his body. He takes a deep breath and gives both of his friends' hands a squeeze before retrieving his own. He stares down at them and tries to forget all the bloodshed and tears he's caused. For a little while it works. They sit with him for nearly 20 minutes just letting him find his ground, and when he says he's ready they all get up together. The whole way to pick up Alex they listen to music and sing together like the old times.

Alex looks awkward and a bit surprised to see them all too, but after talking in the car on the way to Denny's, they discover he doesn't seem to remember anything out of the norm. He does still seem distraught about their parents but that didn't seem too suspicious. They even get a good look at his arms, pale and scar free. They also finally discovered what year it was, which caught them off guard but also made sense. Alex had just graduated and instead of dying at the claws of the Rake he was now thinking about colleges. So some things had been reset and others, not. They were all wondering whether or not the girls were okay. Jeff asks about Jessa and Alex goes quiet, obviously uncomfortable.

“Did you guys get high or something? You’re acting kind of weird, like you don’t know what’s going on.” A heavy and uncomfortable silence fills the car even though the music is still playing. 

“Yeah, basically,” Evan pipes up. “We went on some kind of trip that’s for sure. Call it bad dreams, call it bad luck, but some shit just isn’t adding up.” Nobody is really sure what to make of this so silence erupts yet again. Their saving grace from this disaster of a conversation is arriving to Denny’s. Heading inside and taking a booth the boys quickly distract themselves with making fun of the menu.

Later Vinny drops Jeff and Alex off at home. Rather than take off right away he stares at the house as if expecting something terrible to happen right this moment. It looks the same as always, and there’s no eerie feelings of being watched, not exactly. He wonders if they’re still being stalked by Slenderman even, because so far the last few hours have been painfully normal. Though they’d all secretly been dying to dig for information he didn’t feel particularly rushed to go home. More importantly, Evan was panicking again and he could tell.

The sun was still out but the sky was starting to change hues but Evan was dreading being alone even though he was also worried about being around his friends. He was afraid that something would happen, that Habit’s voice would assault him and take him over and make him do something, anything awful. Because that’s how it’d been for so long he couldn’t remember what it was like to be on his own and not afraid.

“Ev?” Vinny says softly and he stirs from his internal turmoil. “Hey, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

Evan swallows heavily and fidgets with the seatbelt before tentatively looking over at him. “I’m scared to be alone. I don’t know what to do but I just can’t enjoy this. I can’t allow myself to believe things are going to be okay.” It feels good to say it out loud even though he also feels ungrateful and negative and like his inability to let go of worry was bound to drive them apart.

“That’s perfectly okay. I’m here for you.” He grips the steering wheel tightly then releases, looking the other over. “Honestly? I’m scared shitless this isn’t real too. But I’m also scared to ruin it if is because it’s not like second chances grow on trees. It’s only been a few hours so we’re still missing a lot of pieces to our current puzzle here. Why don’t you come over to my place?”

It’s oddly comforting to know Vince is freaking out too but playing it cool. It helps Evan feel somewhat at ease, enough so that he doesn’t have to worry about being a killjoy. “Yeah, sure. Can I just stay the night?” Vinny is nodding before he’s even finished talking and it makes him smile. He was pretty lucky to have such good friends. They head back to Evan’s house to grab some things, then go to Vinny’s to settle down for the night. Even now he’s still on edge but by the time they crawl onto the couch together to watch movies he’s feeling less apprehensive. They stay up rather late and end up passing out together in the glow of the TV.

In the early afternoon Evan wakes up alone.


End file.
